Living On Heart And Guts

This day, Monday the 21st of the month of May, while searching for an old manuscript I came across a journal of mine (a handwritten one) where I recorded the darkest days of my life (my divorce). I can see now how deep the pain was and I wonder how it is that I no longer feel that pain. As I turned the pages of this journal I found them covered with scripture. God truly walked through the fire with me.

"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8,9)

I do indeed remember darkness, short moments of depression for a time, lots of tears, and weight loss. But from the first day my husband left I heard that still small voice from Heaven say. . . "Don't be afraid. I am with you."

January 16, 2003
"The troubles of my heart are enlarged. O bring Thou me out of my distresses."

Woe to the Warrior who throws away his shield.

Suffering enlarges the heart by creating the power to symphatize. Frequently the dealings of God with us are mysterious, and then also we may appeal to Him as His own interpreter, and in due time He will make all things plain. (C. H. Spurgeon)

Christ leads me through no darker rooms
Than He went through before;
He that into God's kingdom comes,
Must enter by this door.
(C.H. Spurgeon)

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Like I said most of the entries have scripture plastered all over. I would do well to remember life should be lived according to these precious verses. He did give us a blueprint to life after all.

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January 22nd, 2003
Our friend Rick called today. He had a scripture for me . . . "Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord." Wow, that was like hearing from the Lord. I needed that.

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Here's an entry dated 11/16/02
Lay your Burden down! Learn to dance before the Lord. Let it go! Today I am dancing throughout the house. Mostly to Audio Adrenaline's song "Under Dog," and Third Day's worship CDs. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. I know God is dancing with me or at least He's smiling.

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1/27/03
"Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

Thus are they made like Jesus, their covenant Head. Scripture does not flatter us like the story books with the idea that goodness will secure us from trouble; on the contrary, we are again and again warned to expect tribulation while we are in this body. Our afflictions come from all points of the compass, and are as many and as tormenting as the mosquitoes of the tropics. It is the earthly portion of the elect to find thorns and briers growing in their pathway, yea to lie down among them, finding their rest broken and disturbed by sorrow. But, blessed be, how it takes out the sting of the previous sentence. "But the Lord delivers him out of them all."

Through the troops of ills Jehovah shall lead his redeemed scatheless and triumphant. There is an end to the believer's affliction, and a joyfull end too. None of his trials can hurt so much as a hair of his head, neither can the furnace hold him for a moment after the Lord bids him come forth from it. Hard would be the end of the righteous if this promise, like a bundle of camphire, were not bound up in it, but this sweetens all.

The same Lord who sends the afflictions will also recall them when his design is accomplished, but he will never allow the fiercest of them to rend and devour his beloved.

C. H. Spurgeon

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There were nasty letters and emails from certain ones involved in this drama that I could never publish here. What amazes me is that the sting of those letters are just gone. I'm glad I held on to God's promises. He, indeed, took me out of the fiery furnace.