Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Stretching My Comfort Zone

Oh my! This weekend I'm off to a women's retreat in Murietta Hot Springs. So I thought I would relax and spoil myself but noooo . . . God has a need to stretch my comfort zone . . . again. I could be six feet tall soon. Looks like I'm being Naomi in the Saturday night session ( I think) in front of all those women. Hopefully I'm just reading the part and there's no acting involved. So this was the advice Naomi gave Ruth right? . . .

How To Catch A Man

First, one must be good to one's x-mother-in-law (too late, I blew that one) and then follow her to her homeland (doesn't matter if it's in a foreign country).

Then one must go into the field and glean whatever is left after the crops have been harvested. Work very hard (this is important). The kind, handsome (not to mention, rich) and smooth-talking owner of the field will notice you and say things like: "Don't go anywhere else. Stay here with me. I have given serious instructions that no man is to touch you."

If he invites you to a picnic you are on the fast track into his heart. Make sure you shower put on clean clothes and when he goes to sleep (after some dinner and wine) go lie down near his feet. He must be sleeping in the field because if he is in his home, that would be inappropriate.

One must then uncover his feet and don't say a word. This will show that you are available and if he likes, he may marry you and say things like, "You are so beautiful, whatever you want I will get it for you." If he covers you with his blanket, well, you are his. No hanky panky though. That will come after the seven day feast.

There's more to the story, I know, I know, go read it for yourselves in the Book of Ruth. She tells it better and I better brush up on it myself. I'll let you know how the weekend goes. Should be fun, I hope.



1 comment:

Janey Loree said...

Hi Gatekeeper, where are you hiding your voting link for BLOG VILLAGE?

 
ss_blog_claim=6e321c3b498c3d5bae61c5f29d49dbb1