Captain Underdog or David & Goliath If You Must

So do you know the story? Are you sure? I love getting all the little details. Here it is . . .

So these big guys, we know as the Philistines, gathered their forces for war -- on a hill -- in a place called Judah. Of course it was the Israelites (who set up camp across the valley below, on the other hill) the Philistines wanted to get their hands on . . . again.

Well, the Phili's had a champion warrior who went by the name of Goliath. Okay, now giant might be a little bit of an understatement (think Shaq, add two or three feet and a few more pounds). Goliath stood about 9 feet or so.

What to wear when you're a giant? 1) a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing 125 lbs. 2) a bronze helmet--didn't help much 3) legs must be covered with bronze greaves (sorry, I don't recall what greaves are, but must be heavy) 4) the iron point on spear must weigh 15 lbs.

Goliath was a tease and decided to challenge the Hebrews to a one on one session with him and his javelin, spear and sword. Losing this fight would make you and your armies slaves to the winner. Goliath was a tad bit too confident if you ask me. Nonetheless, for forty days he came out and ranted his usual jibberish. The Israelites were pretty scared of Goliath when he started his ranting and raving, thus no one volunteered to meet him. Goliath must have had fun--the ultimate heckler.

Enter on the fourthieth day, a young shepherd boy who was bringing some loaves of bread and ten different cheeses to his older brothers who were fighting in Saul's army. Shepherd boy's name is David who get's pretty ticked at this big guy for mocking and defying the God of Israel.

Shepherd boy asks around, "Who is this jerk?" David is told the story and then is informed that who ever goes to fight Goliath will be given the King's daughter and be exempt from taxes. Cool.

Big brother, Eliab, gets pretty angry however, and shouts, "David you are so conceited and wicked. You just want to see blood. And what did you do with all your sheep?"

To which David cries, "What did I do now? I can't even speak?" Then, apparently against big brother's wishes, he accepts Goliath challenge. Saul gives him a bunch of armor that David doesn't fit. He takes them off and slips about five small pebbles in his pocket to load his slingshot with. Not to worry, remember that David the teenage shepherd has already killed a lion and a bear with his bare hands. Nine-foot giant should be a breeze.

Of course Goliath is insulted and yells out, "Who is this kid? Am I a dog that you should come with sticks and stones?" Or something like that. Well as the story goes, David only needed one stone to bring down the stunned Phili, but not before Goliath cussed him out in the name of his gods. David's God wins.

So here's the gory part. David takes Goliath's sword and cuts of his head. Eeck, yuck, what the hey? All the Philistines ran for cover but no such luck, most of them died. David kept the head and the weapons (the sword shows up in another story later) and brought them to Jerusalem. That was the beginning of his big wig status.