This is going way beyond writer's block. The last week or so a chapter has been, literary, stuck inside my head but I could not get it down on paper, or into a Word doc rather. At first I thought, You don't know how to write that Deb. It's a fight scene between two brothers, legs kicking fists flying blood-drawing fight. You're a girl!!!! Okay, so everyone knows girls fight meaner! So that wasn't it.
Perhaps it was all the things in my life that got in the way. All I will say is, "Be careful little eyes what you see . . ." Maybe it was all the conversations I had with romance writers. Just kidding. They are an extremely talented bunch and they know tons more about writing than I do. That leads me onto a little rabbit trail. Bear with me?
I am horrible at giving advice or giving nuggets of wisdom, and teaching anything on writing?, yikes! Just now, see how I used a question mark and then a comma. Looks good to me. In any case. Every blogger seems to have something to say and we are lucky enough to partake of their knowledge. What on earth could I possibly give to anyone on this blog?
But I digress.
Today, when I woke at 5:45am to get ready for work I lay there for about 15 minutes and prayed. Oh yeah, I thought. Pray! Acknowledging who He was, the Maker of my sunset, Master of the universe, Singer of creation, Lover of my soul. Suddenly something was loosened inside of me. Something? Cannot really explain that. But I know He was pushing His way through some kind of wall I had unknowingly erected. Oh those walls.
A lot of words were prayed and then I asked, "Is there too much darkness in my manuscript? Is there too much darkness in me that I should give my character this much pain?" How wicked can our characters be, before there is no chance for redemption? I'm asking that as a Christian writer, of course. I mean, honestly, did you see the movie Hellboy? Satan had a son who decided to save the world. Well I have to admit I never saw the movie but that's what I got from the trailer.
But how deep can the pit of darkness be for our characters? How much can he do before he's just too far gone? And what if some of this darkness was not his doing? What if it had everything to do with his parents and the contract one of them signed with the Devil? Just asking.
So here's the answer I received while praying. "Yes, that is a pretty dark place you wrote that young man into. And certainly, in the eyes of men, he looks non(un)redeemable. But I see him and I know his darkness. I will redeem him even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. Or believes he was doomed from the beginning. By the way, darkness is only the absence of light. And I, my friend, am the Light."
All of a sudden my chapter came to live. The words were spilling out of my brain, and me without pen and paper. I quickly asked that He would keep the words in my mind until I get home from work. And if I forget I'll remember to close my eyes and pray.
Is Jesus my muse? Let me see, He's not one of the nine sister goddesses in Greek mythology presiding over song, poetry and the arts and sciences. But, the second definition suits Him just fine: a source of inspiration; especially: a guiding genius.
Well, I've got 10 minutes before I leave for work. Maybe I'll hit publish and maybe I won't.
Writer's block writing muse Jesus